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> Thus Spake Bum

Entries for March, 2007

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March 20th, 2007

Pakihubad ang tsinelas. Welkam to Tabulas!
POSTED AT 09:53 AM

 Ayun. After 3 years of attempting, natuloy rin ako sa pagpasok sa Tabulas: journaling for the masses. Mas user friendly-pala dito kesa blogspot, blogdrive, i.ph, friendster blog at kung saan saan pang ibang blogsites na nasalihan ko na. Opo. Blogaholic akong tulad mo. Magkakasundo tayo kung mahilig ka sa tula, sa pelikula, sa kakaiba, o di kaya, sa wala-- nihilista. 

Eniwey, magpapakilala muna ako.

Ako si bum, beinte-uno anyos, isang bagamundo. Yun lang muna, hindi pa kasi tayo close. Hamo't kukuwentuhan kita nekstaym.

***

Siya nga pala, bertdey ng Mama ko ngayon. 58 na siya, maganda pa rin, mahal pa rin ako. Hayun, in fairness sagot ng mga fans nya ang handaan.  Marami akong nakain kanina kaya siguro hindi ako makapag-ingles masyado. Inglisero kasi ako kapag gutom o kaya pagod o kaya galit o kaya malungkot. Sa ngayon nan op da abab. Busog ako, nakapagpahinga, at kasalukuyang nakangiti. Masaya ako kasi may bago na naman akong tahanan. May bago na namang lagusan ang hindi maawat na pagbugso ng aking mga sentimiyento, at paminsan-minsang kayabangan. Gusto ko nga sanang magmayabang na agad aktuli eh, at sabihin sa inyong kaya kong tapusin ang rubik's cube in less than 30 minutes. O kaya, kaya kong gayahin ang boses ni Charlotte Church, at kaya ko ring patunayang 169 talaga ang pinakamaliit na Lychrel number.(Alam mo ba ang Lychrel number?) Kaya lang, naisip ko, galit ako sa mayayabang. So as much as possible magpapakahumble muna ako habang hindi ko pa kayo nakukumbinsing ako ay GOD.

Seriously, im not serious. Wala akong ilusyong ako ay omnisyente o imortal. Ang alam ko lang dakila ako. At alam kong self-proclaimed yun. Pwede kang kumontra basta ba kamukha mo si Stephen Hawking o si Woody Allen. Kahit di ka matalino, basta ba kahawig mo si Pichay o si Shrek, pwede kang kumontra. Kung wala kang maipresintang recent picture o sertipikasyon mula sa nanay mo na ipinaglihi ka sa mga lamanlupa, pasensya na pero mga sertipikadong pangit lang talaga ang pwedeng magbulalas ng mga negatibong opinion dito laban sa akin. 

***

O sige. Bukas na lang ako opisyal na magpopost ng matinong entry. Pakiwelkam na lang ako sa Tabulas, kudos! :D

Currently listening to: John Coltrane
Currently feeling: Busog. Mood ba yun?

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Masturbathon
POSTED AT 05:12 PM

Whoever does not wank please step forward.

***


Not so long ago, as I bummed around the National Bookstore in Olongapo, I chanced upon an inspirational Gary Lising book (i try hard up to this moment to remember the title) which features the funniest quotes from among respective celebrities---from showbiz, the arts, politics etc. I was particularly rapt by Jim Paredes' quip on the philosophy behind the purpose of masturbation. It tells "if God didn't want you to masturbate, He could have made your hands shorter. This I want to add, "if God didn't like the sight of you wanking all day everyday, he could have given you a fuckner. Wilt Chamberlain had not his palm a good use for. He was laid twenty thousand fucking times. That was according to him. According to me, I made more you-know-what.


Blogging is masturbation, I analogied earlier on my other blog. Because I so observed, I said, that blogging is self-service. But I was quick to veer off by later admitting that blogging had been my refuge, it is more of a sexual activity with the readers than being merely an act of desperate self-gratification. Here's the real issue: who do you write for? Was it not for self that you endeavor to stitch together the perfect words, to smother the page with colors and personality so that you may have the eyes and ears of your rarefied world? You write for yourself yes. But blogging, is ejaculating the raw emotions within. Whereas wanking is simply throwing up down there. Blogging is a sweet struggle, wanking is a bitter surrender. Nevertheless, they both require the use of hand.

***

Here's a poem entitled Masturbathon. It is in Filipino. I have to warn you about the use of explicit language herein. I tried to submit this several times for online publication, but I guess they mistook this for profanity. If you do not like the sound of salsal or burat, leave this page for chrissake. I did not feel like euphemizing as I wrote this. Satires are never polite. And I hate to preach further, so here it goes:
 

 


Masturbathon


Sige lang, magsalsal ka buong maghapon
habang wala ang iyong inang abala
sa pamamanata kay San Lucas. Bukas,


hihiluran ni Kapitan ang malibag nating
simbahan gamit ang perang nakolekta
sa perya. Galing ka nga pala sa perya


kagabi. At kaya ka nagsasalsal ngayon
ay sapagkat wala ka nang ibang malaro
bukod sa burat mong hindi na kailangan


ang kislap ng salapi para tumayo. Ni wala
ka man lang naitabing pamasahe para dalawin
sa kanyang huling lamay ang kaibigan mong


namatay sa konstruksiyon. Lagi mong hinihiling
na sana’y maupos ka na rin at ilipad ng hangin.
Sasabihin ko sa’yo, hindi lang ikaw ang humihiling


ng kamatayan. Habang ika’y nagdaraos sa sarili
umuulan ng daing sa langit. Habang umaatungal
ka sa nililimos mong sarap, tumitiktik ang butiki


at may sinasakal, sinisikil, sinusukol sa di kalayuan.
Tulad mo, hindi sila pinalad. Kakat’wang isiping sa
palad ka ngayon ay bihag. Bihag ka ng pantasya


na sa mundo ay masarap. Kahit pa ang mga sugat
sa suso ng ina mo ay nagnanaknak. At basag
na pinggan ang pangarap mong maging abogado.


Walang abogadong tamad. Pero marami sa kanila
ang malibog na tulad mo. Hinuhubaran ang bulag
na hustisya’t pinagsasayaw sa madungis nilang

entablado. Gumagabi na. At gaya nang nakagawian,
bubuksan na nila ang perya. Isasara na nila ang
simbahan. Uuwi na ang ina mo bitbit ang pag-asang

gagaling pa siya. Sana. Ipagdasal mong huwag nyang
maamoy ang lansa ng iyong silid, sapagkat alam mong
alam niya ang simoy ng iyong kalungkutan. Huwag mong

hayaang maisip niyang tuluyan ka nang nauubusan
ng pag-asa. “Mabait ang Diyos anak” wika niya,
“huwag mong ipagsalsal ang kaya mong ipagdasal”.

 

Marahil nga, tumutupad ka lang sa kanyang aral.

 

 

...so it is actually a piece of political commentary.

 

 

 

 

Currently listening to: Beatle's Day Tripper (paulit-ulit)
Currently reading: Another HTML tutorial
Currently feeling: kabado pa rin

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March 22nd, 2007

Of Folklores And Thunder
POSTED AT 11:13 PM

Because I have my left leg swollen like hell, I’m sad. I’m not sad anymore that I’ve lost my phone to electronic-repair malpractice. The fact that hundreds of patients die everyday due to medical malpractice somehow gives me relief. Had I been the phone, I could have lost more, I mean everything. My left leg is not everything to me, but it is more than the phone plus the right leg. I can manage to walk with a crippled right leg, I know because I’ve been through that several times. It may sound funny but that’s a proven fact, at least in me.

 

Three days and counting, I am starting to feel anxious about the nature of this injury. My mother too is close to being convinced that this is more than simpleng pilay. So she considers the help of a hilot or a tawas. That brings me to sadness. Because my mother, amidst the fast-changing internet generation, is still stuck to the antiquity of unfounded folklores. I told her: “Ma, I don’t want to be another Armando Castro.” She said, “what Armando Castro are you talking about? Your knowledge of trivial history won’t cure you!” And then I answered back irascibly, “at least such knowledge can prevent me from being killed”. “Sometimes, reluctance can kill”, she concluded. After that, she turned a deaf ear to my screaming from the room because of pain.

 

I demand a hospital confinement.

 

 

Now here’s a poem I’ve been meaning to write since I developed keraunophobia. Keraunophobia, says Wikipedia, is the morbid fear of thunder and lightning. I specifically fear the thunder, especially when it is rolled in the key of F.

 

paano pipigilan ang kulog

lolito go

 

may katahimikang namamahay sa dilim ng gabi

na sa isang iglap ay

nabasag

nang mabitiwan ko ang bitbit na tasang

may lamang hihiguping kape.

.

kumulog, kumidlat. kumislot ang

ugat. at muli pa

nanumbalik sa alaala ang tutang

napaslang ng initsa kong plapla

nitong nagdaang bagong taon

mula noon,

 

lagi na akong takot sa kulog

sa kalatog, sa alinmang pumuputok

o sumasabog.

 

at nang makita ko ang mga bubog

sa sahig, hindi ko maiwasang maalaala

ang nagkadurog-durog na buto

ng kawawang aso.

ang basag niyang bungong

umuusok.

 

nagmantsa na yata sa gunita

ang dugo ng apdo. ang atay at bituka.

ang amoy ng pulbura. nagmantsa na yata

ang halakhak ng lasing. ang hagikhik

ng watusi. ang palahaw ng kuwitis.

sabi ko, lilipas din ito tulad ni nora aunor

na naglahong parang talang nalagot.

 

matatahimik din ako.

matatahimik din ako.

 

matatahimik din ang tuta.

lalo pa’t  tinipon ko siya

noong malagim na tagpong iyon

ang mga piraso ng kanyang

madugong bangkay

ay maingat kong pinulot

at isinilid sa kahon. sabi ng matanda

pagtirikan ko raw ng kandila sa kalsada

at pagkatapos ay bigyan ng disenteng libing.

sa gayo’y matatahimik siya

at hindi na tatahol pa

sa aking paghimbing. subalit,

 

hindi. hindi pala ganoon kadali.

 

kumulog na naman

kagabi..

 

 

What? This is not about keraunophobia, dear bum. This is more of paranoiah.

 

Well, yeah.

 

Currently listening to: Jake Shimabukuro
Currently watching: Daisy Siete. (seriously)
Currently feeling: kating-kating gumala

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March 23rd, 2007

Let us wet GMA's face with our spurt!
POSTED AT 02:11 PM

True: Man does not live by bread alone. Truer: I prefer cake over plain bread. Truest: The cake costs more than the plain bread.

 

Marie Antoinette was guillotined by her own people in the French Revolution because of treason. One thing that sparked the revulsion of the common people was when the Queen allegedly advised the poor to eat cake, in lieu of bread, at the height of the intolerable hunger they experienced. I learned that from a trivia channel in MIRC, and now I see the perfect opportunity to relate this piece of history with the latest blunder GMA and her team of cretins have publicly committed. The elf, parroted by her spokesperson, puts the blame on the poor by saying that hunger is not always the consequence of poverty, the vice and spending patterns is more likely to be the culprit. Cut down on cigarettes and alcohols or even on texting so you can fend for your family, Bunye suggested.

 

The resemblance of GMA and Marie Antoinette is not very apparent. The latter is raised almost fairy-taleishly in royal customs, the former is a son of a poor who must have known what it felt to be a poor. The latter made an honest mistake perhaps because of her ignorance of the poverty that plagued her people, the former is an economist who continues to plague her people with brazen lies about the state of the nation and is now up to blame the poor for the inadequacy her government is answerable of.

 

A recent SWS survey reveals that 19 percent of the Filipino people, roughly about one in every five, have experienced hunger at least once in the past three months. The dogdamned elf, insulted at the criticisms that her administration fails to address that issue, further added that the survey is misleading and is malicious to some extent. She said that the question might have been misinterpreted by the respondents since it was simply about missing meals, which anybody, rich or poor, could have experienced. She too missed at least one meal for the last three months. But of course, who in the hell couldn’t miss one?

 

Skipping some meals does not mean one is poor, I agree. Because the rich is skipping their meal also, but not because they cannot provide for food, it is probably because of their business, the constraints of time, religion (fasting), health and fashion (diet) that they tend to miss a meal.

 

I doubt that Mary Antoinette ever missed one. But that is beside the point. GMA tried to clear her government of the culpability, that’s the most obvious of all. And I hope that the people will get tired of being screwed continuously. I hope they shall take up arms, like the French against their calloused ruler, (in our case it wasn’t just misrule, but a misrule from someone who has not the right to rule at all) and resort to violent means to topple this hell and the demons around it.  

 

“Give the hungry some tasty cake I had last night for dinner, Marie Antoinette could have said that without sarcastic undertones”. “You shouldn’t have bought a cake when pandesal could save the day, GMA may not have stated but she clearly suggested that. “The people are to be blamed for their hunger, I am doing my job and they are doing their vices”.

 

Meanwhile, I wrote a personal letter to GMA in response to this issue and I hope this will get to her office.

 

Dear Effing Elf,

 

 

Being sick is both for the poor and the rich as death is for the poor and the rich. But being a plunderer is only for the powerful; being a tyrant is only for the greed; being a cheater is only for those who can afford the military, the LGU, the teachers, the Comelec officials and all the devils there are.

 

On the other hand, being cheated is only for the masses; being raped is only for the weak; being snatched of property and liberty is only for the unarmed, being hungry or even famished is only for the poor.

 

Now tell me, what do you mean by poverty? You are not poor but in the soul.

 

Now tell me, how do you mean by hunger? Do you mean power-hunger? Do you mean insatiability by hunger?

 

You might have skipped your meals because you and your family are so much busy feasting on the larger meal which is the nation's bucket. You might have skipped a meal or two because you are too busy propagating a good image while your people cringe from the terror wrought by your gunmen. Your face itself is terror, but never mind the face, just mind your scruples or your lack of it.

 

I spit in your face. No, more than that--- I cum in your face. You are sucking us with delight, so let us wet your face with our jizz. You're taking away all our hopes leaving us poorer, empty-handed in desperation. We jerk off in front of your ugly face; let every ounce of spurt remind you of the whore you had been. We shit on your head; let the stink remind you of the rot in your government. You do not deserve a diplomatic opposition, you get away with your crime easily by twisting the laws you have sworn to protect. You do not deserve an honorable foe; you deserve a shit-slinging mob.

 

I am one with the mob, effing elf.

Currently listening to: sixpence none the richer
Currently reading: Lacan
Currently watching: none.
Currently feeling: Makabayan

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March 24th, 2007

Code Theft Alert!
POSTED AT 04:14 PM

Catching a thief on the internet is no more than nose-picking. The sticky deposit in your nose, are the dust you inhale. In the internet, code-snatchers are everywhere, like dust in the wind.

Yesterday I received some castigation from a group of young ladies who caught me using their template without linking back to the source. One of them even compared me to political bandits, who steal from the toils and sweat of other people. I believe that the comment went overboard. I am guilty of code-snatching, and I don’t preclude any violent reaction from the internet purists, yet I was still offended. Because I am not a bandit, nor a trapo who is capable of relentless pillaging. I don't deserve such baseless accusation. On the contrary, I am an activist, both in writing and in the streets, dedicating my life to bring the real-life thieves to the fangs of justice.

***

When you publish your work in the internet, you subject it from being copied. Cameron Moll, a free-lance new media designer argued that copying is mandatory in a commercial art environment as web design, given the time constraints and budget limitations. He is all for being as original as possible but a novice should start out by copying other well-created designs. Gerry McGovern, Web copywriting guru, made the same argument for writers:

One of the simplest tricks that professional writers learn can greatly ease the process of getting ready to write: look for a model of the kind of article you need to do, then dissect it, analyze it—and copy it.

When Pablo Picasso said: good artists copy; great artists steal, he mustn’t have meant: for you’ll be great by stealing, steal if you must. I originally thought, when I was in high school, that he meant borrow by steal. Not until I heard it from an Albert Einstein that the secret to creativity is knowing how to hide your sources. Should I also say that Einstein was just being jocosely ironical? When men of great minds and boundless innovation can speak of such with utmost conviction, one thing is for sure: there is truth to it.

According to a Mac writer named Wes George, Picasso hardly meant that great artists steal popular designs whose original source is known to everyone. What Picasso did mean was that great artists rummage through the great junk heap of lost, bypassed, and forgotten ideas to find the rare jewels, and then incorporate such languishing gems into their own personal artistic legacy.” There I flunk. I missed the two elements out of two.
My knowledge of web scripting, as I’ve always said is amateurish. And up4grabs, being an eager contender for tabulista awards, is everywhere to see, her designs sell like condoms during Valentines. For those who do not know up4grabs, also known as biey, (now I am giving her extra plugging), she is a younger fellow, a lass who kicks asses when it comes to templating. I wonder if she can also put her cards here and play with me on some other games. But hey, each of us are forgiven, hatches are buried, I look forward to being her friend.

Lesson for today: Good Designers Copy; Great Designers Steal.

Currently listening to: Guitar Boogie by Tommy Emmanuel
Currently reading: Lacan.com (i highly recommend)
Currently feeling: duh

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